In my book Drop the Ball, I discuss tactics on releasing expectations to focus on what's most important to you. At home, this can be an easier exercise because we feel like we have a lot more of control over what happens. At work, when dealing with other people's priorities and expectations, it can be more challenging. Here's my advice: Always lead with the forest and then lead with the trees. This means dropping the ball at work is less about relinquishing responsibility and more about deciding on your highest and best use and how you can delegate to propel other people on your team. Watch and find out how you can drop the ball at work and strengthen—not damage—your brand.
Supporting you in your journey is a gift that many people would love to give. Think about how good it makes you feel to help someone else. Mustering up the courage to be vulnerable and let others know what you need isn't easy. It's like a muscle that needs to be flexed. But once you do, they're able to become more cognizant and the less you'll need to ask for help.
Many women don't put their hat in the ring or reach for lofty goals until they are overqualified. After experiencing highs and lows while launching The Cru, I've realized that when you do face failure or don't get what you want, you're forced into asking yourself some poignant questions: Why did I want this to begin with? Whose help do I need to get there? What do I need to reach my goals? If you don't let losing stop you, losing will propel you forward.
"Why did you marry your husband?" my therapist asked me. I paused and responded that Kojo gave me the freedom to discover who I was going to be without feeling pressure to be the wife he wanted me to be. I realized this: The secret to finding a partner is self-awareness, and understanding what you need from a partner for you to thrive. Watch and learn how to discover what makes you tick.
We often get blocked by the assumptions we make: my company is too big to innovate; women don't support one another; men can't handle running a household. Next time you're trying to solve a tough problem ask yourself, what are the the stories I might be telling myself that could be supporting this gridlock? That is the first step to move past it.
Women are very comfortable giving and helping others. We are eager to support each other—whether at work or at home—but if we need help with certain tasks we are very hesitant to ask for help. Then, when someone does go the extra mile for us, we feel guilty that we haven't reciprocated. That's what happened to me at my latest airbnb stay (watch for the story). But I realized this: Generosity is like karma, it ebbs and flows. It's okay to receive without giving.
As an author, I am often approached by others who want to write a book. They want to know how to find an agent, get published, and if they should even write a book in the first place! Here's what I tell them: Being able to sell a book is more important than being able to write a book. Here are the top four strategies that have led to non-fiction bestsellers.
I always know when I'm overworked: I'm exhausted, my skin breaks out, my anxiety is high, and I am easily irritated—AKA I lash out at my nearest and dearest for no reason. Here's what I learned: Getting worked up only brings you down. Here's what helped: Taking stock of what was on my plate to see why I was spinning so ferociously. Watch for more on how I stopped this path to burnout.
There's a common misconception that to do good in the world you have to sacrifice a paycheck. It's simply not true. As someone who has worked in both the non-profit and for-profit sector, I know that you can create change in the world from the inside of corporate America. So when you're looking for your new job, don't limit yourself with arbitrary guidelines. Find the right job that aligns with your purpose.
On a work trip, against my better judgment, I accepted an offer to stay at a donor's house instead of a hotel. You need to watch to understand why this was the worst idea ever (spoiler: it involves puppets). Unfortunately, women are socially conditioned to be accommodating, but what this experience taught me is that it's possible to take graciousness too far. The next time you find yourself in a workplace situation where you feel like conceding will cost you too much, don't do it.